Nice to meet you

Let's talk about handshakes. I attended a music conference in NY a few months ago, meeting lots of people, shaking lots of hands. Not unique to this conference, but universally I am floored by how many people have a weak handshake. Sometimes I'm shaking the hand of a director of blah blah blah, or a president of whatitsface, or some other really smart important person, and I am so taken back when they can't even shake my hand. Do I have cooties?? Shake my damn hand! And it's not even a female thing...I've received the most dainty handshake from grown men. I don't know where I learned to shake hands well...from my parents, maybe it's in my genes...who knows, but if you meet me you will get an assertive, but friendly shake, not too strong, not too long, but just right.

I came up with a list of the many different kinds of handshakes you might receive:

The Limp Fish - weak, disappointing, not confident, they didn't really wanna touch you in the first place

The Limp Wet Fish - sweaty hands....you are actually sorry you shook their hand. Possibly sweaty from nerves?

The Schwarzenegger (aka the Bone Crusher) - they shake your hand so hard, squeezing your joints, thinking they are perceived as extra confident, but it just leaves you dumbfounded and in pain


The Oprah - the two-handed hand-clasp that she often does when she gets excited, and with guest she loves: John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Maria Shriver, Jamie Foxx...oh yeah, Jamie Foxx, oh and her best friend Gayle

The Bill Clinton - the two-handed shake which makes him so...mesmerizing. 

                                     

The Hug Shake Shimmy - You extend your hand and they come in for the hug, or vice-versa. This can happen in several instances....

1. you meet your girlfriends/boyfriends' parents for the first time....shake or hug? It's best to wait for the cue from the parent

2. co-worker/boss - out for drinks with your co-worker, then time to go home...shake or hug?

3. the old lady working at the lingerie section in Nordstroms just spent an hour helping your find the best bra (she helped you in the fitting room)....hug or shake, or just a thank you?

4. you see an old co-worker on the street...hug or shake?

5.  you just finished a job interview...hug or shake? (see the Friends episode where Rachel goes for an interview)

6. come up with your own

Squeeze-a-shake - they give you a little squeeze at the end of the shake...a little extra "I luv ya"

"Did you have to let in linger" shake (aka the Cranberry Shake) - they are still shaking your hand long after the shake should have ended

Amnesia Shake - you met the person 20 times and they still say nice to meet you and shake your hand, not remembering that they've met you

No Shake 4 U! - There's those non-shakers in the world, the ones that refuse to shake any hands, are impolite and ignorant, or obsessive/compulsive and afraid of germs. It's best to move on from these people.

Shake a paw-paw - when you shake your cat or dog's paw

Baby Shake - when you hold out your finger and a baby grabs a hold of it

The Right Hand Busy Shake - they are holding a baby, or a bag of groceries, or a stack of notebooks, or their right hand was just dipped in egg batter, but they are still kind enough to shake your hand, so they extent their left hand to you

Well, it was awesome hanging out with you (I'm now shaking your hand....well, actually...I'm going in for the hug!)